Families Joining Together

When second families start joining together family life can become complicated. It can be difficult to know what to call your family, is it a stepfamily, a blended family or a link family? Whatever you choose to call it, it is still your family, just in a different form.

Blending different families doesn’t happen easily. The two families will have grown up with different rules, attitudes and life experiences. Living together with anyone will have its frustrations and irritations. Try and take a mental step back from some of the smaller irritations and see if you can learn not to react to them in such a strong manner. When something important needs to be dealt with, you are more likely to be listened to when you have not made issues out of all the small ‘stuff’.

Tips for dealing with your parents’ new relationships:

• It will take time to adjust to the fact that a new partner is in your parent’s life
• Remember that your other parent is not being replaced
• Getting along with a new partner does not mean that you get along with your other parent less.
• Try not to compare your mother to your father’s girlfriend
• Try not to compare your father to your mother’s boyfriend
• You do not have to like a new partner, but make sure you treat him or her as you would want to be treated
• See him or her as another adult looking out for you
• If you feel that you want some one-to-one time with your parent, then ask for it.

Taken from ‘When Parents Split’ by Glynis Good

‘I found it difficult with my mum and dad not speaking to each other. I was sometimes given horrible messages to pass between them. The worst of these were about money. It made me feel really uncomfortable and angry. I wanted to tell them to “grow up” but I didn’t.’

‘Parents should allow their children to be neutral.’

These are some of the comments from teenagers who have found themselves ‘stuck in the middle’ between two parents who are in the process of separating. Not a nice place to be!

During this time emotions are running high and it’s often difficult for parents to communicate with each other in a reasonable way. You could become the messenger between them, find yourself being asked to take sides or get caught up in crossfire. You will feel divided and it might be a struggle to remain neutral and not get caught up in issues that belong to your parents and that only they can sort out. Your parents probably don’t realise that they are putting you in an impossible position so help them to understand by explaining to them what it is like for you. Letting your parents know how you feel is really important as they will assume that everything is okay with you unless you tell them. You could decide to say nothing and tell everyone you’re ‘fine’ but eventually things will build up and you’ll end up feelilng worse.

Excerpts taken from ‘When Parents Split’ by Glynis Good